erm... i would like to talk about what i have been going through lately.....
well past few days ... i have goin through ... what do you call it... erm
realisation .... i have been doin some thinking....
i was extremely moody then .....
well as my close friend they would know this.....
alot of people envy me ... for what ....???
people say i look good, people say i am leaving a happy life, people thought i have no worries, people thought i dont have love problems, people say i am rich, people thought i am this i am that ....
but deep down inside does anyone know that i am not perfect ?? .....
i have alot of worries .... i have a problem which i cant solve just yet
the 1 i love dont even know i love ...
i am living on the edge and nodody know....
i am nothing but an ordinary boy.....
living a life all on my own in KL is not easy !!!!
i have been leaving on just RM300 per month only.... how do i manage it when my room rental is already rm200 so i live on rm100 only !!!!
well thats why i work freelance alot .....
well i am not goin to say anything about money anymore coz it spoil the mood
well the main point i wanna express is my mom once told me "Gino you must sang sang seng seng coz i cannot manage to feed you anymore"
well i kept telling myself i am already 21 going 22 ..... but still i am not able to help to relief the burden of the family ... which make it worse is i am somemore the eldest son of the family.....
well life is not easy on me .... well 1 thing helps me alot ..... a word of wisdom from Quest Net "well if it doesnt kill you, it will only make you stronger"
i think this is so true because from all this challenges i now am stronger ..... spiritualy
2 days ago i was at Ming Tien when my mother called me .....
she told me ....my student bill has arrived at home already ... its rm4K plus....
well she ask me how much has i collected already ????
when i answer her back ....
she ask me .... are u sick you again !!!!
i told her i recover jor .... juz body a little bit heaty thats all....
then she ask me "the other day you fell sick already now sick again ar ???"
i dunno how to answer her... as i know she will be worried about me .....
well she ask why didnt i go to the doctor .... i say must jimat .....
suddenly ...... the phone was quite..... at that time the whole world like stop just like that
i heard a quite sob......
then i know i have hurt her feelings again .... at that time the whole world like stop just like that.....
i ask "why are you crying ??? "
mom tell me ....
"do you know how hopeless am i to stay back here only to here you sick overthere and not be able to even look after you"
"you know how hopeless does it feel to see you sick and not able to be by your side to care for you and to ask you are ok on the next day"
after hearing that ..... uncontiously my eyes started to leak ..... leaking drip and drip of tears....
from that moment i can here alot laughter by the next table
when i turn around i saw all my friends was so happily chatting and joking.....
at that very moment my heart was so sore ....
as i know i cannot go back there as i might spoil the mood
and i dont want them to see me in tears.... and i dont want anyone to symphatise me as i am a very strong person....
this will make them worry also.....
well at that moment as well i thought to myself ....
why am i so weak ..... why am i so useless by not being able to stop her from crying ......
well i am gonna eat more and more to be fat so she wont cry again when she see me.....
to be frank i am afraid of goin back also as i know when my mom saw me .... she will bring me go eat "ho liao" then that way how to jimat .....
so i am afraid ... what should i do ......
i have alot in my mind .....
but i know 1 thing is eventhough i am in KL here living by myself but i am always cared by my clossest friends......(family)
i am so touch by you all ..... when i am down you guys were there...
eventhough you guys werent there to borrow me a shoulder to cry on but....
i really apreciate that and i know is you people that knows me best.....
last but not least is .....
GOD is very fair he created everyone with its strong and weakness
PS: i wrote this not for people to emphatise me but its for me to express out the things that is
supress in my heart coz at least it will make me feel better....
Luv,
~GiNo
well past few days ... i have goin through ... what do you call it... erm
realisation .... i have been doin some thinking....
i was extremely moody then .....
well as my close friend they would know this.....
alot of people envy me ... for what ....???
people say i look good, people say i am leaving a happy life, people thought i have no worries, people thought i dont have love problems, people say i am rich, people thought i am this i am that ....
but deep down inside does anyone know that i am not perfect ?? .....
i have alot of worries .... i have a problem which i cant solve just yet
the 1 i love dont even know i love ...
i am living on the edge and nodody know....
i am nothing but an ordinary boy.....
living a life all on my own in KL is not easy !!!!
i have been leaving on just RM300 per month only.... how do i manage it when my room rental is already rm200 so i live on rm100 only !!!!
well thats why i work freelance alot .....
well i am not goin to say anything about money anymore coz it spoil the mood
well the main point i wanna express is my mom once told me "Gino you must sang sang seng seng coz i cannot manage to feed you anymore"
well i kept telling myself i am already 21 going 22 ..... but still i am not able to help to relief the burden of the family ... which make it worse is i am somemore the eldest son of the family.....
well life is not easy on me .... well 1 thing helps me alot ..... a word of wisdom from Quest Net "well if it doesnt kill you, it will only make you stronger"
i think this is so true because from all this challenges i now am stronger ..... spiritualy
2 days ago i was at Ming Tien when my mother called me .....
she told me ....my student bill has arrived at home already ... its rm4K plus....
well she ask me how much has i collected already ????
when i answer her back ....
she ask me .... are u sick you again !!!!
i told her i recover jor .... juz body a little bit heaty thats all....
then she ask me "the other day you fell sick already now sick again ar ???"
i dunno how to answer her... as i know she will be worried about me .....
well she ask why didnt i go to the doctor .... i say must jimat .....
suddenly ...... the phone was quite..... at that time the whole world like stop just like that
i heard a quite sob......
then i know i have hurt her feelings again .... at that time the whole world like stop just like that.....
i ask "why are you crying ??? "
mom tell me ....
"do you know how hopeless am i to stay back here only to here you sick overthere and not be able to even look after you"
"you know how hopeless does it feel to see you sick and not able to be by your side to care for you and to ask you are ok on the next day"
after hearing that ..... uncontiously my eyes started to leak ..... leaking drip and drip of tears....
from that moment i can here alot laughter by the next table
when i turn around i saw all my friends was so happily chatting and joking.....
at that very moment my heart was so sore ....
as i know i cannot go back there as i might spoil the mood
and i dont want them to see me in tears.... and i dont want anyone to symphatise me as i am a very strong person....
this will make them worry also.....
well at that moment as well i thought to myself ....
why am i so weak ..... why am i so useless by not being able to stop her from crying ......
well i am gonna eat more and more to be fat so she wont cry again when she see me.....
to be frank i am afraid of goin back also as i know when my mom saw me .... she will bring me go eat "ho liao" then that way how to jimat .....
so i am afraid ... what should i do ......
i have alot in my mind .....
but i know 1 thing is eventhough i am in KL here living by myself but i am always cared by my clossest friends......(family)
i am so touch by you all ..... when i am down you guys were there...
eventhough you guys werent there to borrow me a shoulder to cry on but....
i really apreciate that and i know is you people that knows me best.....
last but not least is .....
GOD is very fair he created everyone with its strong and weakness
PS: i wrote this not for people to emphatise me but its for me to express out the things that is
supress in my heart coz at least it will make me feel better....
Luv,
~GiNo
