TANGLED feelings !!!

final year project was like hell !!!

having sleepless nights and countless stress...

sigh ....

i certainly know the life of the creative line is like that... but...

how much to others know about our life....?

thats the question...

i am all my besties therapist...

i hear their cry for help... i help advice and nurture their weeping heart....

well not so great (hyper-balled)

i was basically just doing what a friend needs... someone to talk to and to hear them out....

at least my friends has someone....

sigh ... what about me ??? i thought i had someone....

but i seem to be expecting too much from that someone...

when i am sad and moody still nobody knows...

when i am moody i have to control afraid i might cause fights...

when i wanna share something i need to pick the correct timing....

what i am feeling who can tell ? as usual nobody ... i am a great actor at heart....

acted all the while.... i lay my mask down for someone...

but does that someone know about it....

i am such a nothing ....

i can't even let someone feel secure...

cant let someone understands me a little bit....

everyones wants me to hear them out ....

who wants to hear me out ??? WHO ???

feeling so complicated now like this tangled wire !!!

Luv,

~GiNo

What Can i Do ???

well people may think my life is beautiful...

but those who are close with me knows my life is nothing but a living nightmare...

there is so many people pursuing me in search for happiness...

but i chose someone else which turn so many people down in disappointment ...

its not perfect happiness for me...

but i have heard one of my seniors say

everybody wants to be happy but no ones wants to feel pain,

but how do we get a rainbow if there was no rain

well i now i know that ... feelings are so uncontrollable is something beyond you and me...

so what can i do... really what can i do...

hope you enjoy the song....

Luv,

~GiNo

Friends To Stay...

I finally reach Penang for Chinese New Year....

I never missed my home before in my whole life ....

i was looking forward to go home starting from 16....

felt so lonely ... when family is around i feel so comfortable ... from young when i cry i will run to mommy when i grow up mommy is still like my shelter ...

the beginning of this perfect friendship

then was in my room in the afternoon i look back on all the pictures of my friends....

i suddenly cried... like now writing this i cant help it but my tears flow right down to my cheeks....

i don't know why since when i have become such a looser and sentimental...

after the gathering yesterday i felt so scared of departing from each other...

we will be graduating so soon... life we had together won't cross that often anymore...

so i chose to enjoy myself to the max with them ... my fellow zoo frenz ...

(PS : i was ballistic last night)

everyone seems to be so much in my life already ...

they are so much more than just best friends they have already become my family...

when i am so down with lousy love life... you guys are always the elevator up...

i know you guys can't help.. i know... but standing behind my back is good enough... i really apreciated it... cross my heart

we even won the MYC mag snapshot contest

a not so wonderful hotel but spending with the right people the place felt very warmth and perfect...

so many things we have been through.... laughter, sadness, excitement, adventure together....

we quarrel, we yelled at each other, we have different thoughts but most of all we had each other... although by the time we graduated and started working we would could afford to go wherever we want but it doesn't matter where the place is but it is who you go with and spend the moments that matters....

i don't know when we will had such craziness again... after we left our separate ways

i miss you guys now ...

Zoo Frenz Forever ...

i am so fucking emotional right now... my eyes is so swollen now...

I LOVE YOU GUYS

Happy Chinese New Year....

I wish everyone will be happy in this year to come ....

jump together to the future as this is the beginning not the end

Luv,

~GiNo

the answer to forever

how could i not remember,

of a month called December,

a month filled tears and laughter,

month where my hearts surrender,

to the fate of your smiling splendor,

how could i not remember,

how your lips so tender,

touched mine with such wonder,

felt like i'm on top of a ladder,

all the hardships we endeavor,

how could i not remember,

a month called December,

where you left for another,

my scream and shout would not matter,

as you cannot feel how my heart shatter,

how could i not remember,

how fate set us up together,

when you told me you do not believe in forever,

but i have finally learn from the fore-father,

even for a second if its you it felted like forever,

how could i not remember,

this lovely month of December.

Luv,

~GiNo

Ranting !!

what's going on with me recently....

felt so tired ...

emotionally, physically, and mentally !!!

everything is not going my way....

my birthday is coming again....

things are going so wrong.....

i feel so sad....

i am the strong Gino that everyone thought i am....

yes i am ... i kept telling myself....

but i getting tired....

there is so many things i am going through alone....

no one in this competitive world seems trustable .....

its me against the world.....

so many things inside me right now.... but all inside are just sorrow....

you think you know everything but the truth is you don't know anything....

coming out into the world is  very tiring.... there is no mommy to run to when your sad.....

there is no one to pad your hair and say everything will be ok....

well its because we grow up....

no one to rely on but ourself.....

sometimes i feel who am i ???

what's my value in everybody's heart....

someone keep telling me i think too much....

yes i think too much...

i am paranoid....

i am chauvinistic....

i am a control freak....

i am lousy idiot who thinks he knows everything.....

i am just hurt..... 

hurt hurt hurt....

tears don't even flow anymore....

when until i can really let down my guard......

Luv,

~GiNo

some random rants..... 

What is me ? what is us ? what is we ?

sometimes I feel sick and tired of everything....

i feel like i need to go to a place where nobody knows me....

unfamiliar and yet safe....

felt like running away from all the commitments i have with me.....

sometimes i felt nobody understands me at all....

i always do question the meaning of life... its to vast for me to know all now.....

i always do question the meaning of love... its to complicated for me to understand now.....

i always do question the meaning of ME...

well me is a word i would use all the time....

whenever you are not happy and want someone to shout at.....

theres only me....

when you want someone to really care about your feelings....

theres only me....

if want to find someone to hear random rants......

theres only me.....

whenever you need someone to read your mind.....

theres only me....

whenever you have something to share....

then there's us....

whenever you praise and said things that soothes the ear......

then there's us....

whenever give out care and love.....

then there's us....

whenever you're have more money.....

then there's us....

whenever you look gorgeous.....

then there's us.....

whenever you share.....

then there is a we.....

whenever you go party......

then there is a we....

whenever you're having fun.....

then there is a we....

its all about the giving and taking..... LOVE ??? LIFE ??? ME ??? US ??? WE ???

i dont mind giving more....

i dont hope for repayment.....

all i need is appreciation.....

Luv,

~>GiNo

Echoes of the Rainbow 歲月神偷

Echoes of the Rainbow 歲月神偷

is a must watch movie ... it stars Simon Yam, Sandra Ng, Aarif Lee and the little boy i dunno whats his name.
this movie is very touching, tells the story of the little boy's family....
his father makes shoes and his mother helps him...
he has a brother who is an excellent student both in academic and athletics...
he admires his brother wishing to be like him someday....

the story tells us on the typical society of Hong Kong whereby everyone is most likely to be very materialistic.
the love of a parent for their children is so great that they will sacrifice everything for them.
a very dramatic family based movie that portrays Hong Kongs lifestyle during the past...

i heard the story was based on a true story...
and they manage to grab a few awards for best newcomer, best male lead and best director if not mistaken.

the theme song:


this song performed by Aarif Lee is splendid... adding the whole essence of nostalgia in the film

and this is the trailer:


love the whole ambiance the settings ...
the color, art direction, the shots and of course the acting.....
i enjoyed it a lot
hope every one did ....recommended indeed


Luv,
~>GiNo

23rd year among the living !!!

i am 23 years old already....
means i am one step closer to death ... hahaha
well life and death is part of life....
why taking it so serious .....? right ?

well this year surprisingly i am not emo....
well most of the time i am kinda emo during birthdays....
but this year i am not ....
and other than that i learn more about life once again....

well my birthday was great....
My zoo friends plan a really great surprise...
really caught me out of my expectation...
ps: they suck at surprises coz they got busted in almost every surprise but this time it really got me... good job guys
never expected it.... as i thought we were celebrating for another girl Xin Leng ....
and she thought it was for me....
but it was for both of us...
we went to barbecue at May's house... that's the 1st leg of the celebration.....


barbecue gonna cause cancer ...



ding dong Gacky....with oily face



Lian with some funny freakish pose



whats with the eyes girl..... and the senyum sinis-sinis



Chili too happy to see the chicken wings



Burger Liew so happy lor.... got chicken



me and XinLeng cutting cake hahahaha cutting cake ceremony



Tupai handing over their present to me



see got camera recording some more like what conference like that



we are not getting married



my cake and her cake



look what they gave me.... they really love me ....
yep its sony erricsson K770i....crazy right
i love you guys too GD3 and my Zoo Friends....plus EJ for the precious present....
and EJ thanks for the Pull And Bear Wallet, Angus for the RM30, Hui Jun for your white chocolate macadamia and oreo cheese from Secret Recipe...
that day almost made me teary .....
lucky thing i can tahan or else sure habis let them record all the ugly part.....
boys and girls thank you i am really really very touched by the gift....
you guys know i need a phone a lot and guys go to the extend give me one ....
thank you guys so much it really meant alot to me....


during the eve we went to Hulu Langat for dinner.... and counting down

well after we makan pose for some pictures



group pics with Boon, Angus, Ej and HuiJun



as usually Angus likes to act cute



HuiJun such a poser



Boon what are you thinking dude



thats a flare ok !

then after that they were suppose surprise me at home....
but they failed to do so because i saw Ej in her car ...
i was suspecting something
but i still i never thought will have so many people in my room surprising me.....
well thank you guys EJ, Hui Jun, Angus, Tupai, Chili, Gacky, Jean Cui, Kevin, ChunHwa, Lian and Keng-Keng....


birthday went to kimchi haru again.... they surprise me with KimBap again...
well they told me KimBap is usually eaten on celebration so well What The Fuck....



bloated ..... after the meal....


hope you guys enjoy the pictures....
guys i love u guys alot ....
thanks for all the wishes through sms .... from Singapore to Taiwan thanks ...
sorry that it cost money hahaha....
and thanks to all the 171 wishes in Facebook hahahaa...

once again thanks and i love you guys ....
i really appreciate it ..... thanks for all the love and care
its unforgettable


Luv,
~GiNo

Perfect....

went for the movies just now to watch "Orphan".....
ans saw this remarkable ad.....
i can say only a word i think this is the best thing on earth !!!

watch it for yourself



this Ad
is about life ....
its about love....
its about kindness .....
its about care ....
its a perfect world
a Utopia .....

how i wish the world like this exist..... i really hope life will be so worry less
so much of care and love ....
money destroys relationship ....
deteriorate families ....
breaks friendship....
separate lovers....
kills earth...
and stop everything good between the bonds of all life .....

i can say this ad touch me deep into my heart.....
i can worry less about my life and live happily enjoying if it were true .....
but wake up and smell the coffee.....
same back to square 1 money makes the world goes round......
love brings us together united as one ......


it moved me i hope it moved you too....

before i end this post i want say I love you guys all my family, my bro and sis, my friends and every that i care for ....(when i still have the chance)


Luv,
~GiNo

MY FM .... Anniversarry ...

well have been busy lately...
cant even stop and breath....
haven't stop to even think....
everything is like changing and evolving as time passes like a cyclone.... damn
i still have tonnes of post waiting t be post up....

well this post is about my lonely trip up to Genting....
well as usual i have to work to make a living...
well this time i am work as a personal assistant for Director Chiu from astro....
well my job basically is to look after the trophy of "My Astro Zhi Jun Liu Hang Bang'S" trophy
(to be exact i am the security guard) ok whatever that is....

this how the award looks like.....


well here comes the good part.... i went up there already 5 o'clock then work until 7 o'clock....
go makan with Director Chiu ... then masuk to the arena of star to watch the MYFM 11th anniversary 2009.... the worse thing....is... i am working alone i don't know where to go or where to sit... as Director Chiu said i do whatever i like lar.... although i have the passes to do so but still awkward as i don't have anything to do anymore....
then the whole arena is packed ....
i was thinking what am i gonna do....
i don't have anyone to ask .... coz Director Chiu ask me to do whatever i want..

so to be independent i walk around like working in the arena hahahahaha
but actually i am not hahahaha.....
then later on i walk to the VIP area to have my sit...
well there is no other place to sit anymore.....

PS: due to this work i can't go to MTV's big gig called MTV world stage.....
well kinda upset but.... never mind i can still live with that


ending....




a part where it snowed




me =)

at 8:14 u can see me sitting there watching....


well after the whole show.....

Director Chiu have to attend the press conference and i am on my own....
i wonder around with nobody.....
felt so lonely and cold......
i am walking alone wandering around Genting.....
i see everyone is with friends there only me which is alone.... =( sad ....

i took out my phone and started to sms people d.....
but no respond only EJ replied... after a few sms oso tak ada d.... again wondering.....
but i again i was saved.... but this time by Vernon.... but he seems like busy with his stuff....
so i tell him Director Chiu coming d.... lol....
again alone deng.......!!! but was very lucky met Alex and GF, Myers and Edison...
but nothing to talk.... dunno what are this lecturers talking about.... so its back to square 1...
then there like a ding dong for sometime d..... finally Director Chiu is going back ....
phew .... reach home in the morning argh....
then monday uni and assignments again....

daily routine....

gonna post all the rest of my life soon.... after this friday....

Luv,
GiNo

am i ???

well emonity still has his clutches on me
i can seem to swing of this feelings
i haven't been eating well ... no appetite and feeling noxious
i haven't been sleeping well too insomnia ...
i don't know what is going on with me....
semester is coming to an end
3 final assignment in 1 week time....
i think i might just pay a visit to tanjung rambutan before no time ...
well recently i feel like i am taken for granted
always.... dunno why all my best friends seems so far ...
they don't seem to realize what i am into
well i am going further and further into a journey of no return...

i am having alot of thinking and glimpse of images in my mind whenever i am alone...
thats why felt lonely like almost every time ....
so to tell you the truth i am aging like nobodies business
my gray hair is sprouting and growing in a very fast rate ....
eye bags are coming back ....
i am starting to loose my weight again....

a bunch shit i am in right now....
just hope that i can just runaway from every single thing on earth....
i just wanna shout right now.......

untitled

a roller coaster of emotion....
yes thats what i am going through now....
hundreds of things flew over my mind....
thinking and interpreting 1 thing after another....
i suddenly feel so sad...
i cant explain how sad i just know that i am....

recently Vernon's mom went through some health condition which makes me think alot
his mom was healthy all the while... but why now....
my mom was the one holding up the family all the time...
working giving us money when we need it...
she was my hero from the day i know how to think...
i can recall how she struggle 1 time after another pulling back up the family ... time after time...
the time when she got married to my dad...
how my dad's business failed and how she struggle to paid the debts for my dad to avoid risks of bankruptcy....
but now my mom is in the verge of the same thing but i cant do a thing...
not to say my dad...
i felt so useless... as the eldest son i cant do even a thing....


her health is not getting any better.....
she has insomnia plus a heavy migraine....
without sleep her migraine is getting worse and worse but what can i do ???
i called back a few days a ago and heard her coughing i ask "you sick" she said nothing its just minor coughs i know she don't want me to get worried but still i am....

when Vernon said he is taking care of his mom that time... i was right here writing a blog....
i cant even fulfill a simple responsibility as a son...

she was always a weakling when it comes to her siblings....
i remember gossiping in front of my mom saying how useless i am...
well that really hurts but it hurt mommy even more she kept quite and shed tear ....
i remember i told mommy not to be afraid i will be someone someday...
but i was there in The Curve celebrating Mindy's birthday....( i admit i did cried in the curve that day) well trying putting yourself in my shoes....


my mom has early menopause due to her health condition when she was young as after giving birth to me... he was expecting another baby...
but in the end she found out it was a tumor in her ovary so she had to operate and had her ovary taken off in one side....(this makes her unable to have anymore babies)
she was sad as she wanted another baby girl... time passes by and miracle happens when she was pregnant with my sister after 9 years ... later on followed by my brother 2 years later....
at that time our financial status was not very good...


although my dad owns his own business but my mom is still working as a land evaluator to evaluate the price of landed property to add more income to the family as she is already pregnant with my sis.... so she didn't look after her body well....
and with the early menopause she has been aging in a tremendous speed .... while working in such a age i felt i am very useless once again.... although her health don't allow it but she will try her best to go to work....
this admires me a lot....
but is her struggle all worth it when i have the thought of stopping my studies ??? i felt ashamed of myself....
i am such a weakling....
but i really fear of loosing someone i care so much....
i am a very loyal person my feelings stay very long...
i cant imagine it if i were to loose anyone i care about....
when i went back last semester break i get to know that her gastric is getting worse...
her migraine never seem to stop ...
her body is aching almost everyday (from standing the whole day)...
her insomnia is getting worse... when i advise her to go for a check up... she answer me if found out something is wrong ... what can we do... no money ... she don't want to wait to die...
sometimes when i see her doze of soundly on the sofa i will begin to cry... i dunno but my heart can feel aches .... as she seems to sleep so soundly like a baby ... she looks so tired ...
so when i heard Vernon mom's condition i cry too... i can't to see motherly son love its my weakness...


my friends keep asking me why am i emo....
the next semester is coming but i have no money...
my mom is sick i cant do a thing...
i quarrel with friends and she disappoint me....
housemate giving me a hard time uncooperative
i was so sad so sad...
and no one is there .... but i am very happy to know a few good Zoo Friends... thank you guys ....
when i was down among my 3 best friend at least 1 was there still to support me


so after thinking all over ....
i have to fight this war no matter what it takes... for the sake of mommy.... i am gonna be that someone and bring my mom to see the world


Luv,
~GiNo

Runaway....

when i walk down the street...the street is empty...
when call out a name...there's no sound...
not even the breeze...not even the rain....
it all seem so dark....before night fall

i thought there would be a call...
but there's nothing at all...
so this is my life...
i want to survive...

Please...please look at me...
i am by your side...
do you know i existed...
please...please understand me...
i am by your side
please come talk to me....please come talk to me

when walk down the shore...i thought found some ore's...
i thought had 3...but there is nothing for me...
there's not even the sand...not even one man
it all seem so dark... before sunset

i thought there would be a call...
but there's nothing at all...
so this is my life...
i want to survive...

Please...please look at me...
i am by your side...
do you know i existed...
please...please understand me...
i am by your side
please come talk to me....please come talk to me

i feel like a fool drowning in a pool thought i would be save...
but leaving me there as there is no one to care
i hate it when i am wrong...
i will always be strong...
but i am tired all along ....

as i wish to runaway....runaway....runaway from everything that people say
runaway... runaway... runaway from Hippocratic way



Luv,
~GiNo

I think i am ok !

suddenly missed home....

i am now rushing my bloody poster design but i still can find myself ....blogging on this post
but somehow deep in my heart its aching i don't know whats it all about i just know that....
i cant concentrate....

how is mom doing lately.... called her but no answers....
well its gonna ok anyways .....

well after last night i have been thinking about something ....
what is LOVE all about ????
i am beginning to doubt its just something that is use to cover up loneliness of someone until another ONE arrives....
well i think its very fragile....
i the see the people around me ....
changing, moving, evolving but am i doing the same thing.....

yesterday someone told me about chance .....
and i learn alot about life and betrayal ......
well lies wont you anywhere but just bring misery to everyone around ......

well i am just having mixed feelings right now......

becoming a dim-wit .... hahahaha....
well i am starting to wonder am i LONELY ????


PS: i am sorry the post is just a bunch of crap please ignore it until the next post thank you.....

Luv,
~GiNo

irony

i interupted the order of my post to tell about this story....
today morning around 6 my house was broke in again for the second time...
and guess what its my room that kena again....
very convenient huh !!!

well a few days ago i was informed i won the Design and Illustrate Horse Sculpture contest worth 8k and today my house was broke in to...
ironic isn't it ???

i can remember the whole scene vividly in my memory....
i still remember how it goes...
luckily Ej woke up just in the nick of time to stop him from stealing more stuff...
and she woke me up as she saw him in ....
i just woke up in a state of blur and confusion i question who is he instead of attacking the thief...
and i am pretty sure from the looks of the thief he is a chinese even though he is wearing a helmet to disguise his face up....
but during that few seconds he also manage to stole Charine's purse and temporary hand phone....
luckily her hand phone is the paria ones as his E90 dah masuk hospital...
but really thank god that Charine wasn't hurt in the process and my "Zai" my 450D was not taken away as it was just by his feet there only....
besides our rooms mess has made it hard to find goods to steal....

but this post i solely to urge my fellow friends to please be extra careful and lock up every single door nomatter what especialy girls....

and i would like to wish EJ happy birthday ...
maybe it was EJ's birthday luck save us all and have a minor loss only....


Luv,
~GiNo

TORN...

the day before yesterday
was invited by Adrian to have dinner ....
he cook.... mana tahu.... his whole faucet got ripped off from the sink
holy cow.... the water kept dripping drenching the whole floor....
so i help to at the pipe and do some pipe works there
then later we proceed to Tesco for the grocery supplies to be cook and also the broken faucet....
but when i got off the car 1st thing that ran through my mind is.....
why is my butt suddenly felt so airy
well i tried to touch it...
and ....
VOILA !!!


torned pants



such big hole



its even bigger than my pocket.....

my pants was torned....
freaking hell...
everyone was laughing...
Adrian ....
EJ. ....
Chili ....
WTF ....
it sembarassing .... god save me.....
so the whole journey in tesco i was using EJ's hand bag to close my but...
emabasassing moment....


Luv,
~GiNo

WRONG

well i am so pissed off with everything lately...
nobody can help me....
and i dont even know how to go on....
its so hard....
assignment loads so much...
and my pocket is still running dry....
working will make my life more miserable !!
know why ???
because i am barred....
and donkey !!! my tutor said that my excuse is same old lame excuse !!!
so i started to question myself....
"is it my mistake that i was born poor ?"
sometime people said things without thinking....
that goes to lectures to....
when she said that i feel so lazy to even explain ... as i know whatever i say she will also think i am creating another to cover another lie that was created before....
so disappointed in them so shallow for someone that elder !



i am still searching by myself ...
searching for someone i can share my life with...
recently i feel i cant say anything to anyone !!!
friends ??
whats the definition ?
what does it mean ?

useful when needed ? when no longer have any value to be used anymore friends is just a trash ??
is that the deifintion ?
well i still dont know ?
sometimes being good doesnt have a good repayment !!!
maybe i was granted with something else....
i said before

a lot of people wanted to be like me....
but i want to be like everyone !!!

Luv,
~GiNo

feel kinda unhappy now...

felt my voice is unheard

people misunderstood my intentions....

meeting irresponsible people piling up assignments....

getting BROKE !!

family is facing crisis and i cant help...

people don't understand me and

i have no 1 that i can really talk to....

EMO....

Tired of being shoot and shooting

was running around this week for shooting
its either taking photo for others because of my photography assignment
or freelance as an actor in tvc's and drama
its kinda tiring...
earning money easy pays a high price which is your health
time is not enough !!
skipping classes and yet still need to do alot of assignment

Luv,
~GiNo

Fly Flyers Fly !!!

Assignments....

i hate assignments....

hate flyer design.....

too many design...
thumbnails drawing...
scenery painting...
portrait painting....
tourism mood board...
still got photography assignments coming...

but 1 thing is ....all is not done yet !!

frustrated...


Luv,
~>GiNo